most recently i have been going to bed around 10pm and waking up at 6:30am or so...no not to have my devotional time with the Lord. just waking up. i am starting to feel like an old person. tonite i head to granger with my good friends, lucas and krissy. i am really excited for them to begin the process of planting a church. i know that the journey will be rough, but they are faith-filled people who have been given a vision, and i know that will be protected. we go tonite to hang out with people, share with them the vision of Oasis, and do some worship and ministry time. i love that the Lord blesses me with these opportunities to go and strengthen and encourage his body. i am excited to take my guitar and sing with them and over them. i think that of all the things i get to do with the Lord worship is one of my favorites. the holy place, the throne room of grace is incredible...there is no where more intimate that i know, and tonite i will share that with new friends. exciting.

i am filled with joy today. i know that it is always there but today i am on fire for life. it's weird because yesterday i wanted to kick life's ass :) i am a nerd, that just made me laugh out loud. i am not sure why these two extremes, but i was starting to feel bi-polar. just kidding. i know that this joy is available to me all the time, it is just weird how quickly i turn it off.

i also just finished reading FINDING CONTENTMENT...neil clark warren. you know the e-harmony dude. wow was it a real drainer. i picked it up because it was in our library and no one had read it yet. but now i know why. any contentment i did have is gone, alright so i am being a little extreme. it really wasn't helpful. i am not sure how to tell people to find contentment. i don't think that expecting contentment on earth is really a right desire. i mean this isn't our home and we are seeking contentment. i don't know any one who is completely content, if they were i think they would be terrible to hang out with. i mean there is something about the striving for more, straining on for something. where there is no vision my people die, right. so i guess being discontent is right where i am supposed to be. maybe next week i will seek my contentment on e-harmony, then again maybe i would rather spend my $100 on something more worthwhile.

let it snow, snow, snow...just so long as i can get out of my garage for class tomorrow morning. i was a bit delayed due to the giant snow drift agst. my garage. otherwise, winter in the country, in the trailer not so bad.

something i am thinking right now...i would rather be reading a novel. i dunno. that is all of my random thoughts for today. i suppose i should get back to work.

I do have some thoughts but it is 10pm and i am going to bed, because i have to work in Toledo tomorrow which means i get up by 5am or so. i would like to share these quick thoughts...

My struggle lately has been the fact that i can't quite do what Ephesians says. forgetting what lies behind and straining towards the goal. instead i tend to strain towards what is behind and forget what is in the future. there are many things that i have done in the past that have been haunting me especially this past week. i wish i could go back and change them, you know get one of those four square do-overs, but i can't. so i need help, i need that which is to heavy and burdensome to me to be picked up by one who can carry the load. i am not sure that i have done very good at straining toward the future, the goal...but it starts tonite before i go to bed. i want to have dreams and thoughts of the promises of God and how they will manifest in my life.

all right that is me for right now...not much new. i got a car today from some very generous people in our church. i am grateful for their blessing and giving to the Lord. i know that they will receive honor for that. i am completely humbled by the Lord's provision in my life, in abundance. i also have raised almost $800 more than i need to go to Kenya. again i am blessed in abundance. i know that the Lord is honoring the faith He planted in me and i am grateful. i hope to have more stories like this soon. continue to pray for my mind as i prepare to go to Kenya.

good nite

2004...seems like crazy but i guess it is here. i am hoping to accomplish a lot of things this year but i am not going to call them resolutions. technically they aren't resolutions yet because i haven't firmly determined these things...that's how Webster difines it plus it isn't a formal declaration...but i guess it will be after writing this. I am going to do my best to continue working on being DEBT FREE. i am doing well, since the accident paid off my car and will give me some money...for the next vehicle. but in the meantime i will be driving a car that someone gave to me :) that is such a blessing. i would also like to continue to develop my teaching/preaching...hopefully teaching more concepts, but this would mean a closer walk with the Lord. i am sure that everyone says that every year, but i really desire to learn to control somethings...for one my mind. i often times have thoughts about things and people that don't escape my mouth but i think them and that changes my view and perception on everything. They all stem from a lack of trust and faith but i know that God will continue to spur me on in these to things. I would also like to continue to pursue health. i have done very well this year...eliminated pop from the diet and also refrain from eating red meat as much as possible. The only time i do is if someone has me over for dinner and makes it then i will eat it, but i try to eat only chicken and turkey if possible. so this year i would like to work out at least 2-3 times a week. i did very well last year for almost 6 months, but then i made excuses. most people try to put a pound limit on the weight they want to loose and although i think that is good...HEALTH is better. so i am going to do things that will take off weight but will drastically change my lifestyle. we will see how it goes.

I am excited about the things that are in store for me this year, it seems as though life just keeps getting better. I read Phil. 1:1-6 the other day and had some major breakthrough in renewing my mind. i want to Remember people, hopes, and dreams with JOY each time i pray. so i start there today...

Heavenly Father,
thank you for the people that you have placed in my life. i know that i don't always see things the way that you do but right now i am extremely grateful for your kindness and how you've held me in a place where i am secure and protected. thank you for new friendships and old ones...you are so great. i also praise you for the dreams that lie in the secret places of my heart. stir those up and continue to remind me of your provision that has already been mine. Today i lay claim to those things, i know you give me every place i set my foot. so i start walking. thank you for a new year, i love the refreshing that comes with that. Lord, i praise you for an opportunity to travel to Kenya... i ask that i might begin the renewing of my mind and that you will use my brothers and sisters there to teach me about childlike faith and trust in the NAME above all names. thank you so much for chasing me...and continually showing me your passion for me. i love you.
Amen