Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Very Pregnant

So last night I have another dream. I'm a little concerned as we are about to put raspberry colored paint in the nursery..I dreamed that our lil' girl coming was actually a boy. UH-OH. I hope the Dr. needs to order another ultrasound, so I can rest easy that she's really a girl.
No names still, she might be the nameless child for a while...I'm starting to get anxious about that too. Nothing seems right, so hopefully when we meet her something will strike us. In my dream last night, I was so worried about taking care of the little one. I kept waking up because I thought I fell asleep when I was nursing. And I thought the baby was starving. I can't wait till she gets here, but I must be a bit nervous about parenting. We just finished was okay. But for the most part I think it just made me more nervous, I thought it was supposed to do the opposite...all those choices about pain medication and birthing positions, I'm just hoping my body kicks in and tells me what to do. The way I look at it, she's gotta come out-so whether it's 12 or 36 hours, or longer, we'll still meet her. I do want to say that if that Burning Ring of Fire we talked about in Lamaze, starts and Dave plays Johnny Cash-he might lose a few teeth! Who's idea was it to tell a 30 week along pregnant lady that she will feel a burning ring of fire when the baby crowns. Isn't that obvious-your skin is stretching, and babies have large heads!! Enough said.
Guess that's all for updates, we got the crib and started working on the trim in the nursery. Now to get carpet picked out, and finish up. I am really hoping to get to the carpet store this weekend.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Accountability (More Thoughts on Faith...)

Warning: I am about to venture out and talk about faith again. I've been thinking about a concept that came up when I first came to the Protestant movement. I grew up Catholic, until my junior year of high school, when I was "born again"-baptized and left the Catholic church. I don't look at it that way now, but that's another entry.
There is a term used highly among evangelicals, accountability. Some Christians involve themselves in small groups, or have a partner to attempt to remain accountable for his/her sins. Engaging in an accountability group means that as a Christian, you want others to call you out on your sins. It's a place you can go and confess, and others confess to you (kinda Catholic, eh?). It's also a place where you put your trust in others to help you determine right from wrong, get guidance, and wisdom, sometimes even discipline. (depending on the group/or partner-no I never knew anyone who got spanked). This accountability that you have, as I understood it is to help you grow deeper in your spiritual walk and submit to God doing what is right. You know, narrow is the road-much easier to stay on if people help you. I am not going to tear apart this term or concept...I've just been thinking about it. Many times I went to these kind of groups, or even at one point had some partners myself. I wonder though, if this was the beginning of my problem with judging people.
I looked up the definition in Scripture (in context), as well as Webster's that always helps too. Here's what Webster's says: "an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions." The Bible does not use the word accountability, instead it prefers accountable. I've noticed that when I was in those groups I began to feel it my job as a Christian to hold other believers accountable for their actions, be they good friends or perfect strangers with Jesus fish on their cars. I not only had a moral compass, I intended on using mine to guide others toward the Light.
First I want to start with the story of Cain and Abel. Cain and Abel are the sons of Adam and Eve (you can read the whole story at look up Genesis 4). Cain and Abel worked the fields and flocks to provide for their needs, and each gave sacrifices to God from their work. Abel gave God the fat portions from his first born calf, giving God the first and best of what was produced. Cain on the other hand brought some fruit from the soil he harvested. In the story Cain grew angry with God and jealous of his brother, because God favored Abel. God asks Cain why he is so angry and says something very interesting, "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
This is not tough, God is telling Cain-don't be jealous of Abel for doing what is right. I think He is saying this is not a case of favoritism, you reap what you sow. It's just that simple. If you too do what is right, good, just-you will be accepted and feel that same favor. But if you keep slighting and cheating then sin is all you will ever deal with. Sin is a consequence of doing wrong. Not punishment-consequence, the result of an action. But Cain is so upset, the story continues and he murders Abel. Jealous, angry, and irritated with God he kills his own brother. I noticed two things about this story. First Abel was accountable only to God-he was doing what was right, according to God's plan for him. He did not judge his brother, rub it in, or even try to hold Cain accountable. That wasn't his job. The second thing I noticed is Abel wants the same favor his brother has but doesn't want to act as his brother does.
So, all that to get to this...I am not sure that accountability works well, the way I knew it. One can only be accountable to God for him/herself. My actions are not meant to be judged by other Christians. I have hear preachers say about accountability, "You are your brother's keeper." But the truth is you can't be. There is a simple truth in this story, listen to your gut-being a Christian is simple, religion is complicated. Love God and Love your Brother, it's like a gut instinct. (Let me clarify loving God is tough because I don't think we really know Him, apart from some one's interpretation from Him, but I don't think that's what He intended). Do what is right and good. I found, when I started doing what was right and good, I started judging others. Are they doing what I am doing? And if they aren't, why aren't they being punished? Why do they have more blessings than me, I do what is right! I'm accountable. they are no better than me.
Romans says this, "Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God."
What's going on in my spiritual walk...many people want to know. Well I'll tell you, my mouth is being silenced. I am not under the law-I am accountable to God. Thank goodness, a kind, compassionate, fair, sometimes incomprehensible, loving, just God. I am glad it's Him holding the world accountable and not me. Because as many times as I've judged the Almighty, for terrible things that happen here on earth, I know I would not be as gracious and kind to me, as He has. Accountability made me feel like a wretched sinner, not a free, loved human being. I am a sinner, saved by grace-trying not to keep sinning, so sin isn't messing up my life so much.
And the biggest sin that I struggle with as a Christian -JUDGING/COMPARING (same difference in my book). For the record, if I ever made you feel like I was better than you, I am not. If I ever looked down on you, I shouldn't have. If I ever tried to hold you accountable for your actions, I am sorry. I murdered many Abel's in my life, and I am letting the blogging world know-there's hope for even a self-righteous human being like me.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Why Are We in Ohio David?

With all this snow, and more than that the freezing temps...I've been wondering-What were we thinking? I wish all of our family was up for a move to California. The picture is blurry but it still makes me feel warmer. I miss the beach a lot, we need a trip there soon!

I am 28 weeks officially tomorrow, I was a little off on my last post. That means 7 months. I had the test for anemia and diabetes, and I'm all good! I don't have either. So hopefully there is one healthy baby girl growing strong on the inside. STILL NO NAME, and NO NURSERY...I think it's going to sneak up on us, and we may not be prepared. Uh-oh. I told Dave I might start nesting soon-so be forewarned, I could be carrying straw into the nursery and spitting on it to hold it all together.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Baby Girl on Her Way

Just a quick update on Baby Weber. Things are going well. My blood pressure's back to being good. 126/62 at my last appointment...not bad for someone who started the pregnancy at 144/92. My Dr. says I have white coats syndrome. Who knows?
Tomorrow I will be 27 weeks along...almost 7 months. It's hard to believe because it's gone so fast, well all but the puking my guts out thing. I also can no longer suck in my gut. Being chubby you don't show as fast as those cute thin girls, so I am just now starting to stick out, and I'm not sure about it. I am sure I really like the feeling of my 2 lb. baby girl kicking. Although she's been a bit rough on the bladder lately. We are excited, but have much to do before she comes. She needs her room decorated and set up.
Oh and still no name...we are leaning away from Emma though, there are just too many of them. It's such a sweet name, but I'm not sure that I want to pick one that's been so popular lately. We'll see....the search continues.