No Expectations

Can't ever seem to blog anymore...so for now, if you stop by just know, I am still here. I check this, facebook and all the blogs I love-especially some new cooking blogs I've found. And with all that, Lucy, Dave, and the now 3 part-time jobs I seem to have. I just don't have time. I'd love to see you at Mom's Diner where I waitress on Sunday this week-from 11-2, so stop in! Here's hoping things slow down soon, seems I should change the name of me blog again.

Back to God

All of my posts over the last 13 months have really been about baby Lucy but I am hoping to write a little about God today. Having a baby has made Dave and I do a lot of talking about God and all things spiritual. I guess a new little being will have that affect on you...make you evaluate everything. I've been thinking about my college career and studying the Bible. I graduated with a Bachelor's of Religious Education and an Associate of Arts-I did all that studying I guess so that I could have a career in what evangelicals call "the ministry." Although I loved my job as far as working with people and caring for them in their every day life, I hated the organization and leadership aspects of the church. So now having been out of ministry for over a year-I have just a couple thoughts.

*I am still paying for a college loan which gave me a degree that you could poop on in this job market. I had a great experience and made a lot of great friends, but I'm not sure how practical that major really is.

**Having studied all that Bible and taken Greek and Hebrew you might think I'm some sort of scholar, but really I am not. I don't know any more about the Bible than most people. The best experiences I've had with God have nothing to do with Greek or Hebrew.

***I used to think that it was important to answer the unknowns: Why is there suffering? Why do people get cancer? Does God send people to burn in hell? Now I don't really care. I guess I don't believe I'm ever going to know those answers this side of eternity, so what's the point. And if God did show me some sort of answer would it change the way I live here? I'm not sure it would. I'm trying to make the most of every day regardless of the answers.

****I've come to think that church is a very social place, and really enjoy the people I meet there. I also enjoy the encouragement we get from people who are in the same life circumstances as us. I just don't have a desire to go at all. I'm sure that condemns me to hell in some eyes. I don't have complaints about the preachers or the music, I just don't want to go. I'm not sure I'll get through this, maybe it's a phase. Dave and I are trying to live in community with others-sharing all things in common and so far this is going well.

*****I think I'm almost through the mess I made of myself, getting my ego stroked through ministry. That's right you read correctly but whether someone be outright arrogant, or insecure like me, ministry can fill that void for a while. I'm done using people to make me feel good about myself, it's empty and meaningless. Wherever I go there I am, so I'm learning to change me!!!

******Right now, I think about how to teach Lucy to be a caring, compassionate, responsible human being. I want her to know she was created and prayed for-that she is valuable. I want her to know that she is the best gift we've been given and we are trying to raise her as a gift to be shared with the world-no matter what she chooses to do with her life. I don't want her to feel the spiritual pressure I felt, and so we begin a new journey. Raising a spiritual child outside the walls of the church. What shall we do without Sunday school? (I won't lie she'll still probably go to VBS-it's so cool these days!-call me a hypocrite I know I am).

Another Thought on Faith

Well recently two of my friends both ex-pastors have been formulating more of their beliefs, well more like, more of what they aren't sure of. You can check out one of them here http://brucedroppings.com/ At any rate, I'm not sure what words they would use to describe themselves but I believe Agnostic and Universalist might be as close as they get towards a box. Although, believe me you meet these two men and a box isn't where they belong. Both of them are kind and accepting, understanding, and non-judgmental.
Here's what I find sad, I believe they both know that I still believe in God 100%. But they don't treat me the way they have been treated by Christians. When I am with them I feel acceptance, love, and no obligation. They are looked down upon, as failures of Christian faith. I find that very sad. They are not scary, they have not corrupted me...matter of fact much of our discussion has helped me. They haven't made me lose my faith, rather they have increased my love and acceptance for others. When Dave and I hang out with them, we feel so much like a part of their family. It's weird but no matter what, there's no obligation. It's such a free feeling. So what disqualifies them in Christianity? They aren't sure about ANYTHING!!! Weird but I don't know many Christians that are sure about things, they are just HOPING or faithing that things are what they believe. Here's my question: Is God okay with us not being sure? Is He big enough to still be God despite our disbelief? If I have some wrong theology can He handle that?
I don't know the answers to those questions, but I sure hope so. I hope that there is a God. And that He really is love. I hope he created this world so that we could enjoy and that somehow for some reason, when things got screwed up, He knows how to fix it. I am hoping that if all of this comes crashing to an end (like many of my Christian friends believe), that we'll all be sort of surprised by the ending-no one could have predicted. I also am hoping that He knows me, and that I'm tired of trying to figure things out. I just wanna live, love and try to do some good for those I come in contact with.
I want to say to those two men and their families that I am referring to, the Webers are grateful!! You challenge us, love us, and accept us-and people spend lifetimes looking for friends like that. One of you we've just gotten to know, and hope that we'll continue this journey as friends. The other one, you've taught us generosity, love, and kindness can go a long way. (guess I'm getting sappy like you!)

One of Those Days

Sometimes I find myself feeling a bit like our Basset looks in this picture, these days. But I felt like today was the time to share about why...well first off, I'm almost 12 weeks pregnant. YEAH, almost done with the first trimester. So maybe the vomiting can stop now, but if it never does...I wanted to Thank God for giving us such a special gift. We don't know what this punkin will be yet, but we have prayed for 2 years that God would allow us to conceive. And when we'd almost given up-well not Daddy, but me-GOD is GOD! So no matter the sickness, or downing the dry soda crackers, my heart is filled with Joy. To hear this baby's heartbeat, and know that God is Real. There's a scripture that says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4. I don't think that means He gives us what we demand, but I believe it means when we find Him, we find the desires He put in us, in our mother's womb. So I am praising God for the way He knew me and the way He knows our child. May Dave and I, hold this new gift in our hands with care, reverence, and honor for God. And most of all may we Be Love for this child, in a world that can seem so confusing and scary sometimes. So vomit or not, YOU ARE MY JOY!

Lately, we've spent a lot of our time working on the house we just purchased. It's fun to finally be a homeowner. It's a cute house, and a great purchase, for a first home. It seems that all is settling back in here in Ohio, but I find myself longing for the weather, beach, and activities California has to offer. For now, we will stay and enjoy our friends and family here. I am planning on working on another degree, starting this Fall. That should keep me busy for a while. It is kind of difficult deciding what to study, I am leaning towards a teaching certificate, or my master's with a teaching certificate. We'll see...